Trapped!!!!!!!

Around May of this year I started strongly thinking about relocating to a different city.  I’m a borned and raised Los Angeles girl and have always wanted to leave but due to me being a young single mom and needing my family support I’ve always stayed put.  But now that my daughter is 16 and was going to be a junior in high school I figured this would be a good time for us to go.  She would spend her last 2 years of school in a better community and maybe have a better chance to go to a good college.  I went amd visited a city I was interested in and even talked to people that were residents there that moved from LA also.  I was excited and ready!!

But NO!! I had a big scare! I found 2 lumps in my breasts…one in each.   They turned out to be nothing but I was so over the scares and the stress of testing twice a year.   Sooooo I chose to have my boobies removed instead of moving and starting a new chapter of my life.  I know in some way it was all in God’s plan but I never thought that just when I was really going to make this move my plan would get detailed.  Things happen for a reason and I can’t control everything!!

Hence……I’M TRAPPED!!!!!! 

FILM – Decoding Annie Parker

Decoding Annie Parker

 

Decoding Annie Parker Trailer

I had the honor of receiving complimentary tickets to the screening of Decoding Annie Parker courtesy of the LA FORCE support group.   The red carpet screening was held at the DGA Theater in Hollywood, CA on Tuesday September 17th, 2013.

As I walked into the building and to the red carpet for photos with my mother, a breast cancer survivor, I got chills.  It was SUCH a great feeling to know that such an informative movie was made about a woman that has the BRCA gene mutation along with battling the cancers that come along with this mutation.  The portrayal of Anni Parkers story was so riveting and moving!  It made me laugh, cry, empathize, and smile.  I can’t explain ALL the emotions that I felt while watching it because I’d be writing forever!  It was hard to watch it with my mother because there were times in the movie that I knew she could personally relate to and when I looked over at her she just had this “blank” look on her face probably thinking “I remember going through that”!

Annie’s story is outstanding, she survived Cancer 3 times and was there at the premiere looking happy and healthy.  Of course when she stood up in front of the audience she received a STANDING ovation.  She, along with so many other women have gone through this battle.  Some won the battle and are survivors as others weren’t so lucky and lost their battle to Cancer.

I truly can say that this movie is a MUST see…a MUST see!  I hope and pray that this film gets released to as MANY theaters as possible because this story is amazing and should be seen be ALL.  This disease…Breast Cancer/CANCER period has and will affect EVERY single person on this earth either personally or with someone they personally know.  We ALL have CANCER in common and this movie just portrays how ugly of a beast this disease is.

I give this movie TWO THUMBS UP and would recommend everyone I know to go see it.

A couple of Milestones

I’m so excited…things are moving along as expected!

It’s been 2months since my double mastectomy AND I’m DONE with my breast expander weekly fills. No more weekly visits to my plastic surgeon to get my boobies pumped up!! I get a 2 month break to let things settle in and then I will get my expanders a taken out and my implants put in. Yay for the future squishy boobs and bye bye ROCK HARD expanders!

I just got confirmation today that my 2nd stage surgery date is set! Drumroll….it’s set for the day before thanksgiving!! I’m soooooo excited and I just can’t hide it….LOL!!

Christina Applegate’s story & the importance of getting a MRI

Watch the interview with Christina Applegate and Dr. Sanjay Gupta  to hear her story about how important it was for her to get a MRI to detect her Breast Cancer and how it saved her life.  She also touches on her organization that provides funding for women with the BRCA mutation that need assistance due to their insurance not covering MRI’s or because the insurance doesn’t cover the entire cost of it.

For more information and/or to apply for assistance please visit this website –

https://www.patientservicesinc.org/illnesses-and-conditions/breastcancerscreeningprogram.aspx

 

NO NIPPLES?!?!?!

3 -4 weeks before my bilateral mastectomy I was told that I wouldn’t be able to keep my nipples!  WTF!?!?  Really?!   I thought I was going to be able to keep them since SO many other women were able to.  I thought it was just a choice, I didn’t know beforehand that it was case by case.  Well in my case it was a NO GO, NO NIPPLES for me!  I was a size 34G/H before my surgery and based on the size and distance from the base of my breast to my nipple it just wasn’t a good idea to try and save them.  My plastic surgeon and a colleague of his both agreed that in my case the nips would have to GO!  He didn’t want to take the chance of me getting Necrosis and neither did I!   All types of emotions ran through my brain.  Hurt, confusion, sadness, just all types of feelings!  I thought to myself….there’s NO way I’m letting the lack of nipples stop me from doing this important surgery.  So as planned, I moved forward with what the doctor recommended.

Fast forward to today….

34 years old, unmarried, never had Cancer, and have NO NIPPLES!  Hmmm that’s a interesting conversation to have with the man you’re dating!

Never in a ALL the years of my life did I think that I would be at this point in my life Nippleless and NO reproductive organs!  Don’t worry I don’t want your pitty…I’m just letting off some steam and expressing how I feel.

 

Day 50 already! (POST PBM)

Well….it’s been 50 days since my bilateral mastectomy!  WOOOO HOOOOOO!

Today I went in for the 2nd to the last fill (for my expanders) and what happens????  My doc didn’t have a 2nd needle to do my expansion today, he only had 1 in his whole office.  Now it looks like there will be 2 full weeks between the last and the next fill.  It’s no biggie…I’ve been getting 100 cc’s each time (which is a GOOD amount) so it’s not like I’m going to be set back much by missing a few weeks.  We were going to do 50 and 50 in the last 2 fills but now we’re behind I’m gunning for the full 100 like usual so this part of the process can be DONE!  The next step is to wait a few months, maybe 2 and then I get to swap out these funky misshaped wannabe boobs for a pair of cute Gummy Bear shaped implants.  🙂  I can’t wait…I’m like a kid in a booby candy store (LOL)!!  Get it?  Booby candy store and Gummy Bear boobs…hahahahaha!

Anyways I MUST say that so far so good…my mastectomy and breast reconstruction has been pretty awesome so far!  I’ll voice a few tiny complaints later (not much but a few).

Day 50 = 640 cc’s which means I have MORE than 2 handfuls (woman hands) of boobies!

My mom told me the other day that I’m pretty much almost looking like my old self (not the H cup I was) but these are pretty full and WIDE!  Illusion boobies at it’s finest!

 

Breast Tissue Expander | Breast Expanders | AirXpanders

Is this the way of the future for breast tissue expanders for breast reconstruction?

Breast Tissue Expander | Breast Expanders | AirXpanders

…thinking back (continued) **Pictures of a partial breast (view at your own risk)

After my biopsy I remember worrying like there was NO tomorrow….worrying that the test would show me 1 of my worst fears.  To have to battle Cancer as a single mother of a teenager in her most important adolescent years.

The pictures below are right after I got home from my biopsy.  It didn’t really hurt afterwards, just some bruising and minor pain.  It was more the mental pain that I was enduring…the stress….the worrying!!

Left Boob after Biopsy 3

Left Boob After Biopsy 2

Left Boob After Biopsy

thinking back…

Some days I sit back and think about the last 2-3 years and how MUCH in my life has changed.  The main event began with my mother being diagnosed with breast cancer in October of 2010 and from there everything seemed to just spiral.   I remember the holiday season that followed weren’t so joyous (in my eyes).  It was great that her cancer was stage 0 but it was just horrifying to hear that she too had to now go through this battle.  See…my mom lost her mom at 9 years old to breast cancer, she watched 2 of her sisters battle it (1 had it 2x’s), and she watched her aunts also battle it along with many other women in the family.  I knew our family history was strong but good lord I didn’t think my mom would get it, especially since she was 57 and hadn’t gotten it early like all the other women in our family.  I truly thought that she dodged the bullet.

So back to the story…that holiday season was rough especially since she had her surgery scheduled for the 2nd week in January.  I was going through a HORRIBLE situation with my fiance and our blended family, found out I had the gene right before New Years eve, had just bought my 1st home which was a major money pit, and was just stressed about it ALL!  Fast forward, my mom tested positive for the gene, then I also tested positive, then my moms double mastectomy surgery was set for January.  Ohhh and I broke up with my fiance/boyfriend of 4 years days after I found out about my gene and right before my moms big surgery.  Can we say….TOO much going on!!

My moms surgery went well, they got all the Cancer during her double mastectomy but they were a little concerned because they saw something in her tissue and felt she should do a few rounds of chemo. So, mom is doing chemo and of course we’re all there for her physically and emotionally.  But during that time I was sent in to get my 1st screening test which was a MRI of my breast.  Can I just tell you…that experience was soooooo freaking annoying!  My anxiety was through the roof because of the loud noise, the isolation, sitting absolutely still for a long period of time, and getting dye shot into my body.  That feeling and experience was like NO other.  So, I get my results back and they tell me they found 3 abnormalities in my left breast. I thought to myself HOLY CRAP!!  My moms cancer was in her left breast…..oh my God I pray I don’t have Cancer also!!  This was NOT a good time!   So I then got scheduled for a ultrasound guided biopsy.  Grrrrrrr that was also torture!  The pressure of the ultrasound wand on my breasts then a long needle being stuck inside my breast to pull out tissue samples then putting a marker in my breast so in the future they know that particular spot was already biopsied.  For the next few days I truly couldn’t stop thinking about the possibilities of the results of that biopsy, I was STRESSED and freaking out.  Just a couple of days (literally) after the biopsy (still taped and bruised) and  waiting for my results my sister was thrown a 35th birthday party.  Usually I am ALL in and excited about a party…but part of me couldn’t help but keep stressing about my results and worrying about my mom also.  I was in a funk, I was depressed and wasn’t in a celebrating mood but I put on my big girl panties and smiled and showed my support.

Fast forward, biopsy was clear and it was benign!  YAY!  But that was just the beginning of the psychotic emotional roller coaster I would be on because of this BRCA GENE!  Knowing is a curse yet a blessing at the same time.

…To be continued